The Dark Side, burn out is real
I posted this in the community tab at the Beaverworx channel but figured there is a moral to it, so why not post it hear to...
Hi everybody.
So... this morning when filming for a new jump event I accidentally dropped the only gimbal hand held camera mount I had. Not the first time! This was a gift, 3 years ago from my Mom at the very beginning of Beaverworx. It was the cheapest one you could get off amazon and I made it work for over 200 videos before I dropped it this final time. Now, regularly you look at the busted gimbal, hang your head for a moment then, over to the computer and order up a replacement... but... This morning was a moment of weakness instead! ...and I ended up beating half of the set apart with it!
This endeavour of creating videos is something I came into with no experience, I have been learning as I go. There is a lot of time and finances that go into making these vids, as Im sure you are aware. My channel is something I love to do. Iv always been an entertainer from the "ol' fashion" music industry (hence most of the music I use is stuff I recorded) and making people smile cause of something you have performed or created is the reward for your efforts. So then... creating vids out of a hobby you love, in your own home, that can generate some income, is a no brainer right?!?...
Well folks... as a musician who had done mostly local area and some travelling shows with bands. Gig nights usually consists of getting to the venue, setting up gear, ripping your sets off and by the time your at the end of the night. Exhausted, sweaty and all the freshly entertained patrons are letting you know how much they enjoyed your show. You then have to go abouts the process of tear down, packing and finally meeting up with the venue owner to settle up the pay. Oh yeah... then you get to drive home...lol. Point is there is always alot of effort that go's into creating anything. I think overall, I picked one of the most difficult situation to create in. I use old phones to record with. My set is in a cramped little basement. I have a stress-ball day job. My home life is far from stable at times. Everybody had a story and I don't feel mine is much different from other's. Alot of us are in difficult situations!
Having an outlet to create with, for me is all the reward in the world I need... but... keeping it in the public eye and "going for it" with a full blown YouTube channel is a relatively big deal eh! Especially when you start to get good feedback and your channel slowly starts to grow. You feel excited. This is a good thing and part of the inspiration to move on to the next event. As the feedback comes in, you make more content, get more ideas and the process starts to unfold. I can say that from a "very amateur" creators point of view, this is very exhilarating and starts to light the fire inside you! You start to really want that next event to be super cool and for people to like it!... And right there folks, is the point when the "dark side" can sneak up on ya and you don't even realize it!
Always trying to "out do" the last video is one of the first hurdles I had to deal with. Your never going to figure that one out! You can't let the view counts and subscribers be your only motivation. You got to love what your doing! The rest will come in time as your enjoyment can be reflected in what your creating. Others will pick up on that and be frequent viewers for your channel or that's the idea right!? There is a cold reality in all of this. That is sustainability!
Currently I spend (cause Im in Canada) for a single ad campaign thou google ads 60$ per month (this is the minimal amount at 2$ a day) and an additional 30$ for Adobe editing stuff. That cost can go up fast if I start using commercial music and high end animations or graphics. Most editors want lots of cash for cool looking change overs and Copyright issues arrive fast after monetization. That brings the operating cost to roughly 100$ for the Beaverworx channel per month. Not including building materials and the most important part... The cars! (Id probably get those anyways...lol) On the other hand the most amount of revenue Beaverworx has generated in one month was 40$ and that was this past April... first time! I was excited... but still from a business point of view I have been spending way more then I make with the channel so far and that is ok, most of the time.
So... back to this morning. After some coffee and petting my dog for a bit I kind of realized I was letting this whole YouTube thing effect the happiness I was doing it for in the first place! It was truly affecting my mental state and for that one moment, I let all the bad stuff get to me and instead of being the easy going Beaverworx personality. I turned into the pi$$ed-off trucker and kind of lost my sh*t! "Other channels dooing better then mine", "the last upload is not dooing as good", "how long till i can afford cameras". All of the negative stuff just builds up into an explosive moment and then... You get to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces.
I had nothing but a dream and some hotwheels. I wanted to try something different in this strange life! Ill keep gong to. I guess the moral of this story is beyond all the dreams of being a successful YouTube channel and the stresses that can arise. Dont let all the tumultuous stuff take away the joy you get out of just making race vids with cool little cars. Keep the fun in it for yourself first! Beaverworx will be back up and running in no time. Damage to the track is always fixable. Try to not let it damage your mental state or your regular livelihood in the process!
I feel a little sad and event a bit embarrassed after letting you all in on this little slip up. There will be a bit of a delay but we will be back up soon! Thank you all for keeping me inspired enough to keep making content eh... Well see you soon!
Dean
(Beaverworx)
Discussion
Listen it's fine we get it.Sometimes it just reaches a boiling point and honestly it's good that you recognize that you needed a break is a good thing.When we get angry it's like an out of body experience we do things we don't mean to do.
- Thanks man. Im usualy a chill person and it was alot of life stuff to. Will be back up soon — Beaverworx
- Listen take as much time as you need to recharge my guy,sometimes it’s good to just put the car in park and take a break — Kingjester
Thanks for sharing and I hope it helped to let it out. But burn out is a real thing, man. We've all been there...hell, I'm still kinda there! It's the Diecat Racing Iceberg...some of this hobby is quick and easy, but a lot of it is very time consuming and can be a real investment.
This hit me hard a couple years ago. I was running and coordinating a lot of races, producing videos, trying to do live event things, and managing the website. It was a lot and after some unfortunate situations, I hit the "this isn't making me happy" wall and I just had to stop. I scaled back a lot...still kept my toes in the water but otherwise let things go by. And you know what? I was happier. It doesn't mean I don't like the hobby and want to quit. It just means I had to reassess what my goals were for the whole thing.
But getting caught in the chase for fortune & glory trap is easy to do. Some folks figure it out but they sacrifice a lot and make some serious trade-offs. The rest of us - like me - have to find that balance between hobby and everything else. I'm not retired and I have a full-time job and an active family, thus time is too precious to be frustrated and stressed about a hobby that is supposed to be fun.
Just remember, we don't have to monetize our hobby. It's okay to just share it for the sake of sharing. A true hobby is one you do and don't get any money back. Once you start getting money it becomes a job, and a job isn't a hobby.
Balance is out there, brother, just do what you need to find and don't worry about the rest. It sounds like you've found the "too much" end of your spectrum. Dial it back until you find "not enough" and then add one to reach the middle.
- Thank you man... I remeber reading the iceburg articel and there is alot of truth in there eh! You sir, I must say half dialed your game back to a perfect spot. This site is the hub of this sport and you do a very good job keeping stuff organized around hear. Advice from the expirienced is valuble stuff and yeah... it is time to step back and take a breath eh... thank you again for your responce and Ill be posting more beaverworx content and plugging your site again soon enouph! — Beaverworx
I enjoy your work!
Chit happens, disappointments come and go. Always remember to keep it fun, youtube seems to burn out quite afew.
Take care,
Marc D
- Just a little bump in the track to learn from... will be back up and running soon. Thanks you for the views! — Beaverworx
Sounds like you might be human? You track operators are no different from the ones for big cars, time, effort and $$$. As a musician, I have always wanted to smash a guitar! Rock on!
- Ha... I have fallen on a guitar and it snapped at the head skock, but Iv not trashed one on purpose... yet! lol Thanks for reaching out and the view eh. Rock on ! — Beaverworx
- early '80's, buddy buys a flying v, when they were a bit rare) trips on cord 2nd night out, snaps the neck, spends 3 months fixing it, 3rd time on stage...he fixed it 3rd and never left the house with it again...lol — dr_dodge
Love your channel mate, enjoy all the different types of races so waiting between races isn't an issue. Take your time, prioritise shit in your life and when a video pops up we will be there to watch and like etc. And rebuilding means it's new so we will be excited for the changes.
Stay cool bro !
- Thanks eh! Aftermath so far is looking very cool so far and working on getting the editing process a bit more streamlined. Little things to get the stress out and more smiles! Thanks again for the views and comments. — Beaverworx
I personally want to thank you for sharing your story and thoughts. I love what I do with my Chanel and the enjoyment it brings to a few people myself included. But with working a full time job and a family and putting out 2 videos a week plus 2 shorts a day I always fear I will get burned out. The good thing is I have great support and it keeps me energetic. But I know there will be a day I might get burned out.
So thank you again for sharing and letting me and others know it's ok.
- Dude... thanks for the responce. It actually prompted me to go back and start responding to the others reaching out. The support you get from the community is amazing and keep the wind in your sails right! This community is full of folks reading to give ya the little boost you need to get that next vid done. Something I know Iv been laking in my channel is more events everyone can get in on. Ill get it all sorted out in due time. Track is comming back together good and will look event better this time. Not the whole set got it... just the bottom half basically. Stoned Road and Rock Drop are still got to go but maintrack need the major... upgrade (-chouph-). Taking a bit of a breather and will be back up full go soon enouph. Thanks again man and keep up the great content! — Beaverworx
Let me share some of my insights. I was a photojournalist for 9 yrs. At one point started to become nationally famous and published worldwide ????. I was paid to produce perfection. It started out as a hobby but I saw u could make monies so to polish up my craft I went back to college and photojournalism was my major while Political Science was my minor. I loved the work started out at low pay but the pressures of the politics is what started to get to me and the bullshyt.
My point to add to your conversation is this, you start out loving your hobby and adding a craft to it, you must not lose the fun or it will take away the joy that has you captivated to the hobby of racing. If you drive yourself for perfection you'll end up beating yourself over the head for some things thats just maybe a temporary hurdle you have to overcome. Step back and relax. When you bring in the added situation of monies that can quickly change the original outlook of what you had in the beginning.
I've been frustrated a many of time when I became sloppy dropping equipment and having to replace it. Getting frustrated and throwing something down and breaking it, learning lessons the expensive way all in the name of producing a desirable product that people will like.. don't worry about how other channels produce find your niche and work at it from there.
If you worry about what other channels are putting out or what others may think about your productions you can't really move ahead that way because that weight will always be over your shoulder.
Get back to finding your happy place with the hobby, dont think so much about the monies as you should think about better ways you can put out a finished product.
I have movie making programs as well as Sony Sound Forge to make music ???? also and have spent hours editing to the point where I just care not too, my feelings though.
I have a channel but production values im just not into for now so I spend my time modding my cars not caring about producing videos just caring about getting cars into races win or lose. Eventually for me something will happen but I'm not making it a must for now so I can keep the fun side of the hobby going and not getting burned out.
So just relax take it easy you will get it and keep on putting out productions without fail.
Then you will get it to the point of your liking and then asthat old song sings
Ain't No Stopping Me now I'm in the groove
CHOWHOUND
I understand your frustration and the need to smash something (right now you're thinking who are you?). I used to punch holes in walls and have smashed countless cell phones, etc. Thankfully I don't do that anymore, but there are plenty of times I want to. Anyway, back in 2008 I thought it would be neat to race Hot Wheels on YouTube, but, I never got around to it because my life has never been stable/normal. The idea would pop into my head from time to time, but after the second time of having a sizeable Hot Wheels collection disappear, I decided not to buy any more cars.
Recently I remembered the idea of racing Hot Wheels online after many years, so I searched for it on YouTube to see if anyone else thought of doing it. I was happy to find some racing and I decided I wanted to buy cars again, make a track, and send some cars out to race.
Well, today is my birthday and my morning was going great (which is unusual for me because of my many mental health issues) and it got better when my stepdad offered to buy me some things with his Amazon account. I already purchased a NASCAR track set, cars, a ton of 2-foot pieces of track, etc. When I searched the forums and then Amazon for screws I finally found what Amazon didn't want to show me. But, after that I couldn't figure out what screwdriver to use for such small screws and I snapped.
I've decided to throw away everything, including the 50 packages or so of 2-foot track pieces and curves. So, yeah, I understand your frustration.
- Put the stuff away, dn't throw it away. That's lot of time and money invested in your project, so don't waste it all, You don't necessarily need screws to put the cars together (sometimes you do, but not always). I used E6000 for the past three years, and never had a car blow apart on me. Bwliwvw it or not, you can use the tiny screws from computers, hard drives, little electronics to bolt the cars back together. All you need is a small Phillips screwdriver. — SpyDude
Dean,
I appreciate your honesty and humility. It's a fantastic reminder. I need it! I believe all of us builders have a bit of OCD, ADHD, or some other "disorder" that we use as an artistic gift. We can harness it to achieve great things or let it destroy our happiness.
Most of my life I've written songs and recorded CDs. My thirst to achieve was exhilarating but painful. I was constantly bothered by the perception that I was being overlooked. It was a lot of wasted energy. Reading your story reminds me how I felt, and how important it was that I change my perspective. That didn't happen overnight. If everyone were to stop watching my channel, I would still go downstairs and enjoy my hobby... OH, and I'd have all you Hotwheels builders as friends, so I feel quite satisfied.
Thanks again for sharing!
-Mark H (GTR)
Dude. No need to apologize at all.